Leveling Las Vegas
by Monkeybarrel
Summary: An AU one-shot. To make a little twist on the journey west, add a pinch of black jack, a dollop of zombies, and just a touch of wandering hands. Shake and serve.


Warnings: Language and reference to m/m

Disclaimer: Minekura Kazuya owns all that is her Saiyuki

Notes: An entry for an AU writing challenge.  First time I've ever tried going same characters/different world route.  (Hopefully, it's not too-too painful.)  Feedback is always very appreciated and thank you. ^_^  

Leveling Las Vegas  

The job took us to Paradise- one of the finest casinos on the strip.  All we knew was that the owner, a man by the name of Homura, was messing around in things that shouldn't be messed with- the undead.  It seemed that his place's gimmick wasn't white tigers or strip shows or cheap-ass buffets.  Instead, the very slots you were pissing your money away at, were also sucking out your soul, until all that was left was a money-dropping husk.  You might wonder why a man would want to turn his clientele into lifeless corpses, but we don't.  Our job isn't to wonder what the fuck is wrong with their planning.  Our job is to simply do one thing- stop them.

"And get laid."

"Shhhhhhh…"

…No one ever said that this was going to be an easy job…

"Actually, you did say it was going to be easy."

"Gojou, you know he doesn't like it when you interrupt him."

"But, it he did say it.  You remember!"

"No, if I remember correctly, he said it would be 'cut and dry'."

"That's easy in my book."

Didn't I tell you before to shut up?

"Fine, fine, Mr. Fancy-pants.  Go back to your 'audio-diary'."

…As I was saying, we didn't start this job thinking it was going to be easy.  You can't walk into a room filled with the undead and say "piece of cake," and really mean it.

"Wait-wait, there's cake?  Where-where?  I don't see any.  When did we get cake?"

"…bakazaru, it's an expression."

"Shhhhhhhhhh…"

Vampires, werewolves, changelings, demons…we've met them all.  And everyone that we've met…we've killed.

"Except for that witch in Tulsa.  I still say she got away."

"Whose fault was that, Gojou?  You!"

"…Oi, Goku.  I see your cake right over there.  Why don't you hop out and go get it."

"What?  Where-where?"

"…Goku, stay in the jeep.  There's no cake.  And Gojou, don't do that."

"Then tell him to stop saying it was my fault!"

"I don't see any cake!"

Listen, if you don't shut up right now, I'm kicking both your asses out, and you're walking the rest of the way!

Everyone understand?  Good.

Now where was I…

"You said that everyone that we've met, we've killed."

Right…

"Hey, how come Hakkai can talk and not us?"

Because he doesn't have a death wish as much as you do, now shut the fuck up.

"…fine…geez, who died and made you king of the car?"

"…I still want cake…"

…But sometimes, even after we kill them, they still come back.  What do I mean?  Zombies…in the end, it's always fucking zombies…

"Ugh, is that what you do with them?  And you say I'm the pervert."

......

"Sanzo, put the gun down."

You can call me crazy for doing this.  You can call me crazy for traveling with the very same creatures I'm hunting, but in the end,

"Yo, Monk, it was a joke- argh!"

What I'm really crazy for is-

"Ooooooooooooh, a Dunkin Donuts!  Can we stop?  Can we?"

"Damn, I mean it!  Don't point that thing at me!"

"Can-we-can-we-can-we-can-we-"

Not shooting these shitheads from the very beginning.

------  

Homura looked down at the security camera screens that lined the console.  "What do you have to report?"

"Well…"  Zenon pointed to one of the screens.  "We have three in sight."

"I was told there would be four."

"Well, I only see three."  Zenon shrugged.  "Maybe one called in sick."

"You could have missed him."

"I don't think so, not with Shien at the door."  He pointed to the furthest screen where a slender man stood, opening the door for each customer coming in.  "Don't ask me how he does it, but he's seen everyone who's come in tonight, and he counts only three."

"Well, who are we looking at?"  Homura leaned over the screens, his cape falling over his shoulders.

"First the leader."  Zenon tapped a monitors that showed a man sitting by the bar, smoking.  "Known in most circles as The Monk.  A Smith and Wesson is his weapon, although rumor says that a paper necklace he wears does somethin' too."

"What do mean by something?"

"Dunno.  No one's lived to say."  Zenon moved on to the next screen.  "This short guy here is the Kid.  Travels with the Monk.  Don't know what's up with them.  Shien thinks they're sleeping together."

Homura eyed the screen intently.  "How does he know that?"

"How does he know that I'm not wearing underwear?  He just does."

Homura kept his eyes focused on the Kid.  "Nice looking boy."

Zenon turned, arching an eyebrow.  "You think so, huh?"  He looked back at the screen while his hand started to reach for the phone.  "Should I have him directed towards one of the machines?"

"…Maybe later."

"Okay.  Just say when."  Zenon pointed to another one of the monitors.  "Last we have is that guy right there, the Dandy."

"The one wearing the cowboy hat?"

"Yep."

"What's his story?"

"Good at the gambling game.  Likes the ladies a lot, although Shien says he likes the men too."

"How does he- oh never mind."

"He's only half-demon though, unlike the Kid."

"I see.  Well, keep an eye on them until I say-"  He stopped suddenly and looked closer at the screen with the Dandy.  "Is that dealer new?"  He pointed to the uniformed man standing behind the black jack table.

"Uh…yeah.  Hired yesterday.  Down from Reno."

"How did he get to such a high position without my knowledge?"

"Dunno.  All I was told was that he's good at what he does and that he's got a killer smile.  He's keeping the people happy though."  Zenon waved to the screen and at the crowded table it showed.  "Even though he's taking their money, they're still lining up."

"Well, keep an eye on him.  On all of them."  Homura started to leave.  "I will accept no interruptions in my plans."

"Gotcha."

Homura paused halfway out the door.  Without turning his head, he spoke.  "And Zenon?"

"Yeah?"

"Have the boy brought to me.  Alive."

"…Gotcha."

Without another word, the man and his cape left the room.

"…sick bastard."  Zenon shook his head as he reached for the phone.  "I gotta get me another job."

------  

"Hit me."

Hakkai flipped the card, exposing the three of clubs.  "Mmm…" he murmured.  "Looks like you've got quite the hand there."

"Heh, that's what she said."  The man in the cowboy hat smiled lazily and took another drag on his cigarette.  

"You sound like a lucky man."  He dealt out the cards to the others at the table.

"If you mean lucky as in every night, you betcha."  The man tipped his hat and winked.

Hakkai simply smiled and flipped his own card over.  Three of diamonds.

As everyone was looking at their cards, his eyes momentarily roamed the floor.  It was a popular time of the evening, and the casino was quite full, but even in the crowd, he noticed something was a little off.  He lifted his eyeglass and suddenly everything became so much clearer, at least with the zombies.  His right eye, which could see anything, even in the dark, saw now the hoard of corpses walking about, the three werewolves by the bar, and a cigarette girl that he was guessing was a demon like himself.  He squinted closer at her.  There was something familiar about her…

His observations were interrupted as a hand fell on his.  He looked down at the rings that covered it, and then up to the man in the cowboy hat who it belonged to.

"Hit me."

He nodded, silently thanking him for bringing him back to his cover and flipped over another card.  The man sucked in his breath and swore.

"I do believe this pushes you over the limit."

"Fucking queen…"

He smiled in response and dragged the chips towards himself.  "House wins again."  He looked up and noticed a man by the bar giving him the eye.  He raised his eyebrows in response and looked down at his watch.  "Looks like my break begins now.  Another dealer will take over."  He gave the table a wave and started towards the bar.  He knew after one more hand, the man in the cowboy hat would follow.

"Bottled water, please." He ordered and sat down on a stool.  After several gulps, he wiped his mouth on a napkin and then looked down at the bar.

"Did he take the bait?" he asked softly.

"Hook, line, and monkey." The other man said, letting a long line of smoke out between his lips.

Hakkai raised his eyebrows and took another drink.  It appeared that the rumor of the owner's penchant for younger men was spot on.  "Is he okay with the plan?"

"Hell if I care."  The other responded, standing up.  "Just as long as he doesn't fuck things up again, that's all that's important."

Hakkai didn't need to lift his eyeglass to see the other clearly.  "You made him wear it, didn't you?"

The man walked away without responding.  He finished his drink and followed a minute later.  The man in the cowboy hat took his place at the bar, dropping his elbows on the napkin that Hakkai had left.  Three minutes and three tequila shots later, he got up from the bar, leaving only small glasses behind.

------  

"Security?"

"Sleeping like slaughtered lambs."

"…My sincere apologies for the mess, Gojou."

"S'okay.  This suit was a little too white anyways."

"Cameras?"

"In loop."  Hakkai adjusted his gloves, frowning at the blood stains.

"The guy watching at the door?"

"Disappeared before we hit the lobby."  Gojou chewed on his cigarette and stared at the numbers above the elevator door.  Three more floors until the penthouse.

"Well," Sanzo cocked his gun.  "We knew they'd be on to us."

Hakkai adjusted his eye glass.  "It's always nice to have a reception."

Gojou only smirked in response as the small P above the door finally lit up.  "Let's get this party started."

They stood ready, guns, knives, and ki poised to strike.  They were expecting to be met by their prey at the door.  What they didn't expect was the number that was waiting for them.  With the ring of the bell, the doors slid open.

Gojou let the cigarette fall from his lips.  "…Bouzu."

"What?"  Sanzo's eyes were on the hall and on the large crowd of zombies standing by, waiting for them.

"…I see dead people."

"You're so fucking NOT funny."  Sanzo raised his gun and started to fire.  "Just get out there and start kicking some ass, NOW."

"Hai, hai,"  Hakkai lifted his hands up and released a blast of light from each palm.

"…But that's a lot fucking dead people!"

"Shut up and get in here!" Sanzo shouted back, still shooting.

Gojou threw up his hands.  "Fuck you, Bouzu!"  He slid his knife into the first zombie that was lurching over, arms extended out.       

"There sure are…a lot of them."  Hakkai wiped his brow and blasted his ki again, taking out a group surrounding him.

"Well, this place farms them, or did you forget that?" Sanzo was nearing the door to the penthouse.

"Then why aren't they downstairs in the casino?" Gojou stabbed his blade in one corpse, then in another.  

"…Because," a voice spoke up.  "They're under my control and they'll do anything I want."  They turned to see Homura opening the door to the penthouse.  "And what I want is for them to make sure I'm uninterrupted."  With the door open, they could both see the room and now hear clearly whoever was inside.

"Hey, is that the pumpkin pie?  I'm sooooooooo hungry!"

Sanzo raised his gun to the man in the cape.  "Call off your army, or I'm going to have you join them."

"Oh, I don't that will happen."  Homura smiled and opened the door wider.  "Anything that you decide to do to me, my servant will simply inflict on your comrade here."  He waved his hand to a table where a familiar figure sat.  Next to him was standing a tall red-haired man, a semi-automatic in his hands.  Grinning, Goku seemed unfazed by the situation and waved back at them.

"Hate to break it to you." Sanzo replied coolly, pointing his gun into the room.  "But you're under the impression that I actually care about keeping him alive."  With that said, he fired three shots, all of which hit straight into Goku's chest.  The boy slumped forward, unmoving.  The man next to him backed away from the chair and looked up.

"What the fuck is wrong you people?" he yelled, holding his gun out.

Sanzo didn't answer, but steadied his revolver back on Homura.  "This ends now."

The caped owner glared back at him.  "This angers me very much," he muttered.  "I didn't even get the chance to bed him yet."  He snapped his fingers and pointed towards them.  "Army of the Undead, get them!"

"Oh, good one, Sanzo.  Way to piss off the pedophile."  Gojou sneered, bringing his knives up to block.

"Shut up."

Their backs were against each others, each holding up their own weapon as the horde descended upon them.  Hakkai closed his eyes and held out his hands.  But just as he was about to release another blast, he felt something slip passed him.  He opened his eyes and was faced with a tray of cigarettes.

"Excuse me?" he asked the young woman who seemingly appeared out of nowhere.

"Please get down!" She yelled, pushing him aside as she started to toss the cigarette packs into the crowd.  As each hit the ground, a small explosion followed.

"Shit, what do you put in those?" Gojou asked, wide-eyed, but then was pulled back by another figure.  A large, pointy-eared man stood in front of him, blocking a coming zombie's attack.

Sanzo brought his gun down and glared at the scene in front of him.  Suddenly it wasn't just zombies that filled the hall, but their competitors.  

"What is this, a convention?" he yelled out as a girl in a bunny suit ran passed him and started hitting the zombies with a sledge hammer.

"Stupid dead people!" she screamed.  "Get outta my way!"

A figure stepped up next to him, and Sanzo turned.  "When did you get here?" he growled.

"Three weeks ago."  Kougaiji answered him back with the same scowl.  "I'm not going to tell you how unpleased I was to find out that you all arrived.  This is our game.  Get out."

"So sorry.  I must have missed the memo that said you were here."  He turned back to the door.  "But since you are, take care of this trash, will you?  I have bigger dicks to fry."

"Hey, wait a minute-" Kougaiji started after him, but was blocked by another zombie.  Sanzo didn't turn as the sounds of the fighting escalated behind him.  He simply walked through the door into the penthouse.  He was met by both of Homura's servants, the red-haired man, and the one who had been standing downstairs all day, watching the lobby with his closed eyes.  

"We cannot permit you to move any further."  The watcher said.

Sanzo narrowed his eyes in response and pointed to behind them.  "So why is he there?"

They both turned to see Goku holding Homura in a head lock.  "This is for touching my butt in the elevator," the boy yelled, tightening his grip.

"What the fuck?" The red-haired man yelled.  "He was dead!"

"Trust me." Sanzo walked passed them.  "You can't kill him.  I've tried."  

"But the bulletproof vest helps," Goku chimed in.

Sanzo raised his gun up and leveled it on Homura's face.  "End this now, or I will tell him to pull your head off."

Homura grinned in response.  "There's no way you can end this.  That's the beauty of it all!  They'll keep coming back and they'll keep spending!  And if they don't have money to spend, they'll go out and find it.  It's a perfect cycle and you can't stop it- erk."  His grin faltered under Goku's grip.  "…I am quite happy to see that you're so very alive," he choked out, his hand reaching for the boy's thigh.

"Stop that!  Sanzo, he's doing it again!"

The Monk rolled his eyes at him.  "Fuckin' A."  He reached into his shirt and pulled out a long sheet of paper.

"Wait- that's not-" Homura's eyes widened, and he tried to back up, but Goku was keeping him still.

"This, asshole, is the end.  I just hate using it because of all the stupid lawsuits it brings." Sanzo closed his eyes and concentrated, focusing on the words he was taught so long ago, way before this journey began.

Homura fell to the floor as Goku suddenly let go of him and ran behind Sanzo.  

"Go tell everyone to get down in the hall," he ordered the boy.

"Even the dead people?"  

"Just go!"

"All right-all right, geez."  He dashed out the door.  "Fire in the hole!"

Sanzo brought his palms together and did what he hated to do most.  He prayed.  

And the room exploded.

-----   

"Man, that Kougaiji looked pissed when you leveled the place."  Gojou leaned back into the jeep.

"Well, I think his group was working on a commission."  Hakkai replied.  "And I think we just made them lose it, so his feelings are understandable."

"He didn't have to hit me!" Goku yelled from the back.

"I still say he was just getting that last zombie off you."  Gojou nudged him with his foot.

"Well, he did it really hard!"  Goku grimaced, rubbing the back of his head.

"Not hard enough."  Sanzo responded without turning.  He was searching the glove compartment until he finally found what he was looking for.  He pulled out a small recorder and checked the tape to see how much room was left.

"Shit, are you doing that again?"  Gojou looked over the seat.  "I hate it when you bring that out.  It means we can't talk."

"Exactly."  Sanzo looked back.  "So shut up now, or we're going to leave you at that hotel."

"…although there's not much hotel left."  Hakkai added quietly.

"Do you think Homura's really going to rebuild it?" Goku asked, peeking up between the seats.  

"I'm pretty sure his 'servants' won't let him.  They looked mighty pissed to be out of a home." Gojou puffed on his cigarette.  "And besides, if he does, we'll just come back."

"But then, where are we going now," the boy asked.  The jeep was silent for a moment, and then Sanzo turned, a paper fan in his hand.

"Bakazaru!  How many times do I have to tell you!  We're going west!"  He smacked Goku over the head with the fan and then turned back around.

"Oooowww…that's where Kougaiji hit me!"

"Are we still going west, Sanzo?"  Hakkai glanced at him as he drove.

"Yes, why."

"Because we just got a report in from the Aspects that a horde of warlocks have taken over a Dairy Queen up north.  Should we go?  I'm sure Kougaiji's group will also be heading there."

Sanzo was silent for several moments, fingering the audio recorder in his hands.

"…Sanzo, are we going?" Goku finally asked.  "Because…I really want an ice cream."

 "…one word…"  The Monk muttered.

"Huh?"

"One more word out of you, and we're turning around.  And I mean absolute silence until we get there."

"…Does this mean?" Hakkai ventured.

"North.  Now."  Sanzo sat up in his seat and brought up the recorder close to his mouth.  After one more warning glance to the back, he closed his eyes, pressed record, and began to speak.

The job took us to Paradise-

It was, after all, just another stop on the way to the wes- north for the Ikkou.

^^


End file.
